BurntOffering
Layers Magazine presents:
by brian james
The Pocketbook Series Volume One
We were all cramped into the one-bedroom apartment on the 23rd floor of the housing project. The few buildings that were left standing were all turned into these makeshift shelters. It's all the war effort left us to afford. It was all the war effort left anyone. Those who survived the first wave of bombings were all pushed into these housing projects. For the first time these projects werent occupied solely by blacks. For the first time the white man shared housing respectfully alongside the black man. It took a Holocaust to unite. It took genocide to the end a race war. There wasn't enough of any race left to wage a war against. There was a bigger fight. For the first time we were all confronted with the reality of a human survival. Color no longer mattered. Class no longer mattered. The three classes had been reduced to one sick, colorless class. The survival class. We're all fighting for the same cause. We were all surviving miserably.
It was myself, my brother and his girlfriend, my grandfather, my grandmother, and my mom. I had lost track of my father years ago. Im sure hes dead now. You were lucky to still be alive. There was nothing left. Most of the big cities were the first to be hit. Most of the cities are gone. What was once a thriving market place for an American Dream had since been reduced to black, smoking, rubble. Burned out buildings. Most of the buildings were just skeletons, the metal and glass flesh burned away. The cracked concrete streets below were covered with office supplies and dust. If you came across a section of city street where the debris hadn't touched, you could see the shadows of screaming mothers gripping their babies burned into the cement. Their bodies, turned to dust, had long since blown away and collected in corners of dark ally street corners. Their shadows were the only thing that survived. The only proof left to show that they ever existed. Shadows tattooed into concrete. If only those shadows could be a bit more detailed. If only the radiation could have captured their facial expressions as well. Their last gasp of air. The look in their eyes. I wonder if all the lawyers and businessmen knew their fate, would they still have dedicated their lives to such a shallow and greedy existence? Would the secretaries still choose to slave their away lives behind a desk 9-5? I know the workers in the cold warehouses wouldnt.
It was New Years Eve. Exactly one year since that first bomb hit. My brother, his girlfriend, my mother, and my grandmother all huddled together in the main room. They are starving and dirty. Theyve been wearing the same clothes for a year. They are all depressed and tired but no one sleeps. My grandfather and I are in the smaller room. I suppose it could have been the bedroom if it was furnished with beds. We were staring out the window down onto the dead streets below. This was the first New Years Eve of my life where you could hear no celebration. There were no more bars, no more restaurants, and even if there was, the majority of the survivors would be to sick with radiation poisoning to even have the stomach to hold down a sip of beer. If the buildings still stood, our view of the world would have been completely obstructed. But most buildings had fallen. Now lying in a collapsed pile of bones on the foundations that once supported them. The air was so thick with dust that the sun had long been blocked out. You knew it was daytime when the emergency lights were turned on. They stayed on from 7 A.M. to 10 P.M. It was good to know that the power plants still stood. It was also good to know that there were still people alive to turn the lights on and off. When those lights shut off, it was black and silent. There were never any sirens. They stopped the warnings months ago. The only sound you could hear was that of small explosions in the distance.
Something felt different tonight. Nothing ever felt right anymore, but tonight something felt different. It was unusually quite tonight. Maybe it was just that it was New Years Eve and I expected at least some noise. But there was nothing. The family was still huddled together in the other room. My grandfather and I were still staring out the window. I asked him what time it was. He told me that it was 12:03 New Years Day. I told him that it had been 12:03 the last three times I asked him. The clocks had stopped. Those last set of explosions heard in the distance must have hit whatever it needed to hit to stop time. It must have been about 2 or 3 A.M. Something was wrong. Everyone in the next room was exausted but still nobody slept. It was even quieter now. The silence was unbearable. A sudden a single scream burst through the dust from somewhere in the distance. I heard a noise that sound like a cue ball being dropped onto a metal floor. A bright flash filled the sky followed by an immense heat. I knew right away what it was and I never felt so many emotions rush my body at the same time. Before I had time to dive for cover, my shirt burned into the flesh on my back. The pain was intense. I saw my grandfather scuffle off to the left and into the other room. He knew as quickly as I did that this was it and he wanted to be with his wife. It was finally happening. We would finally be out of our misery. I was on my stomach with my arms over my head just to the right of the window. I looked up and saw a beam of bright red light shining through. The light was scattered through dust particles in the air and shot through the doorway into the opposite room. My mother and brother had reacted quickly and positioned themselves against the counters in front of the wall. My brother had to drag his girlfriend with him but not before she caught that first blast of light. My grandparents sat holding each other in the middle of the room. They were in direct contact with the light. Everyone was screaming. You could see the expression on everyones face but you couldnt hear them. The wind and the force was too strong. It was as if God himself was pointing a blowtorch through the window. The heat was becoming even more unbearable. I stared over in the direction of my grandparents. They were in direct contact with the blast still coming through the window. I watched as their long gray hair blow off like a child blowing cotton strands off his finger into the cool breeze of a soft summer night. I watched their clothes light up and blow off. They were both naked and bald and holding each other tight. Their skin began to turn a dark brown. The skin on my grandmothers back began to rise and bubble then pop. What must have only been seconds, was playing out in such detail that it felt like hours. I watched every detail of their death unfold in front of my eyes. I no longer felt any physical pain. I was engulfed in such a state of sadness and mental anguish that the pain of my burning body was over shadowed by an emotional torture. Being forced to sit back and watch my entire family endure so much pain was worse than any death I could have ever been forced to endure. This was not a fast death. This death was not painless. Not like the instructional videos had informed us of. This was a slow, torturous, agonizing death. Before my grandmothers eyes burnt out, she turned her cracking head and stared into my eyes. She was still alive when her eyes melted and I saw a black liquid blow around her cheekbones to the back of her head. She was still alive when her lips burned away leaving nothing but a set of crooked teeth peering out of her face. Her nose bubbled up, turned black, and just disintegrated. By then I think she was gone. I prayed she was gone. She was in so much pain. I could tell by the way her fingers had tensed up and froze just sticking out. Her face had been burned away but you could still make out the expression of fear. She was so scared. She had been so scared for such a long time. My grandfather never looked up. He just buried his head into my grandmothers shoulder and took it with his eyes shut. He went the same way my grandmother went. His skin bubbled, popped, turned black, and was blown off the bone like a powdered charcoal. The heat was unbearable and the initial blast seemed like it went on forever. Gods torch just kept blowing and burning and blowing. I was now curled into a ball up against the concrete wall trying my best to stay out of direct contact of the blast. I saw what it did to my grandparents and I didnt want to go out like that. I still had fight left in me. I was scared. My mother and my brother and his girlfriend were still huddled against the wood counter tops in front of the white plaster walls. They were not safe. The heat, the light, and the radiation was burning through the thin wall and if the blast went on any longer, they would be turned to dust. And as soon as it started, it stopped. The winds stopped blowing, the light was dimming, but the heat stayed the same. The sky was red. It was silent once again. No body screamed, no birds chirped, no dogs barked. I didnt move. I didnt say anything. I looked at my hands and arms and they were covered in bubbling blisters. I couldnt believe I was still alive. I wish I was dead. I let out a scream that must have rang for miles. I dont thing there was anyone left to hear it. I stopped and was breathing heavy.
"Mom?"
I started to cry.
I heard my mom call out in a voice that sounded like it came from a fried voice box.
"Yes Brian?"
"Mom, I love you."
"I love you mom."
I must have said it 20 times. I didnt know how much time either of us had left and she needed to know before she died how much I really did love her. I needed to see my brother. I needed to see what condition they both were in. I stood up and fell back against the wall. I didnt want to open my eyes. I was afraid of what I would see. I opened them and examined my condition. All the hair on my body was gone. Most of my cloths were burned off except for the pieces that were burned into my flesh. My entire body was covered in pulsating blisters. I was alive. And I could walk. I knew I would be dead soon from the radiation, but for now I was alive. I dragged my burnt body to the doorway. I braced myself for what I was about to see. The first person I saw was my brothers girlfriend. She was dead. She was leaning against the wall with her head cocked to the right. Her tongue was just hanging out of her moth. It was black. Most of her hair was gone. I shut my eyes and prepared myself for the worst. I took the final step that brought me into the room. The moment I saw my mother and my brother I broke down and fell to my knees. I cupped my face and cried. No child should ever see his mother in such a condition. They were both still alive. I wish I had a gun to put them out of their misery. I wanted to hold them but I couldnt touch them. They were both burned so bad and in so much pain. My brother was on his stomach. His arms were curled up under his chest. Both my brothers and my mothers lips had been burned away. Their teeth just stuck out of their faces just like my grandmothers had. My brother had his eyes opened and although they were not burned out, I could tell that he was blind. He told me he couldnt see. I rubbed my fingers on his cheek and he screamed in pain. All I could do was tell him that I loved him. I tried to make him laugh. I told him stories about when we were kids and all the trouble we used to get in and out of. I brought up the time when he farted in the snow and his ass was so cold that he couldnt tell that he shit himself. He laughed right before he died. It was all I could do for him. I looked up at my mother. She had been watching the last moments we spent together as brothers. Her two children were the only things that mattered in her world and she just watched her youngest die in the most unbearable way possible. My mother was frozen in a standing position. I wanted to hold her so bad but I knew I couldnt touch her. Her arm was outstretched and her hand was open. All her fingers were gone. Her hand was black. It had the texture of coal. Then her hand just fell off. It hit the floor and spread out like a pile of gunpowder. She didnt even know it happened. All I could tell her was that I loved her. I apologized for everything I had ever done to hurt her. She told me that I had nothing to apologize for and if she had listened to me more, she might not be dying like this. She told me I was a visionary and that I chose to live my life in the most honest way I knew how. It was impossible to watch her in so much pain. Her hair was gone and most of her clothes were burned into her flesh. Most of her exposed skin was black and the areas that werent were just blisters. The last thing she said to me before she died was.
"Ill see you soon my baby boy. And there will be no pain. Ill see you soon."
When she died her body went limp and hit the floor. She had watched her parents die just as I had watched mine. I had nowhere to go. And there was nothing else to do. I got down on my knees and made my peace with the higher powers. When I was done I laid down in between my mother and my brother. I cried and waited for death.
"Ill see you soon mom. And there will be no pain. Ill see you soon."
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